Enigmatic Drawings

We have to be willing to let go of the life we had planned, in order to live the life that is waiting for us. This quote hangs above my kitchen door and is my daily reminder to not be attached to my plans. However some days I find myself still in the process of letting go of my old life. Those days are few and far between but every once in awhile my thoughts linger with the notion of regret, fortunately it seems to be that at those times I get an email, or a phone call and someone in the world has been touched by something I have written or drawn and the grey cloud of regret dissipates. This allows me to see that if had clung to the life I had I would not be inspiring others to the degree that I am today.
I’ve been blessed to meet up with another artist whose life changed overnight…His name is George and like myself he doesn’t have an art background. In the early nineties while in the midst of setting up his business empire and raising a young family he started to tap into his innate ability to remember and create profound images. Something very mystical is going on here...

                                  

In one of our conversations on creativity it became apparent the we both come to a place in trying to express ourselves that is beyond words...and that the desire to express is what opens the portal for the artwork to come through. In my initial contact with Enigmatic Drawings I felt moved to connect with the person behind the images and say thank you for sourcing these miracles. I felt compelled to let him know that his drawings are meant to spread through the world and speak to the people who are ready to embrace their message. That was a fully present moment of light and love pouring out of me…and I am very happy that I acted on that driving force of appreciation.

Enigmatic Drawings are profound images that are intriguing and very powerful. The reaction to George’s work varies greatly and the greatest lesson he has taught me is fear is still very rampant in this world. We want to know the origin of things in such a deep way that if what we are seeing right before eyes presents itself in such a way that we have “nothing” to reference the source, that invokes awe and fear in many people.
George has quite the journey ahead and as he has put it, “resistance to the artwork is futile, for at this point and yet again, my situation seems to evolve in such a way that any endeavours to do anything else in terms of a career or business project etc somehow and in the most extraordinary ways at times, seems to just dissipate forcing me back to the drawings.”

Given the tiny snapshot of George’s life that he has shared with me I feel that there has been a herculean effort on his part to try to get back to the life he had before his drawings...Don’t we all do that? We hold a miracle in our hand as we touch who we are in the essence of our being and in the next breath we fleet in the face of our own perfection…That was a few months ago, today I see George ready to lead the way for all of us to step into the essence of who we are.
Enigmatic drawings infuse the creative waters of our imagination with such a rich blend of spiritual sustenance. His drawings have the power to shake our grounded intellects as the winds of awe and wonder clear the air of our old judgments. It's a good thing as these fears no longer serve us in our spiritual evolution. Each time I immerse myself in the images I feel a growing curiosity and deep ineffable sense of wonder that feeds the glowing embers of my creative fires. Collectively we have all attracted the beauty that is found in these perfectly poised and symmetrical works of art. I feel my heart fill with an intensity of hope now as through the drawings I can touch the divine organizational intelligence behind these images that have come through in order for us to intuitively grasp who we are in the cosmic scheme of things.

Letting Go...

There are so many things we hold onto in our life that keeps us firmly planted in the illusion of our separation. We often hold onto our careers and relationships out of fear. All the while our Soul is calling to us to move on as we cling to the familiar with everything we have. We can not see what is driving us to move forward in our life and what is on the other side of our obstacles. We stand on a daily basis with our hands clenched, our mind closed and our hearts guarded. Waiting on the defensive and often oblivious to how much energy we are using to be on guard....

Until one day we start to wake up and begin to wonder why we are so exhausted, angry and confused. We begin to peer deeply into the depths of our own heart and realize that we have deeply misunderstood what love is...It is at those moments when our consciousness expands that our whole world often seems to resist our new level of awareness and profound insights...this is not a dark night of the Soul rather it is the light of our own Soul beginning to shine so brightly that we now see the shadows on the walls of our own life. The contrast and choices of what we want and don't want become clearer...and from my own experience when we gain our clarity in the midst of challenges peace quickly flows into the heart calming the anger, and healing our wounds. Our fears never fully dissipate though, they serve the purpose of opening up the door for courage to walk in and take our hand to walk with us confidently into the unknown as that seems to be the direction that the Universe is always calling us to go...We can't grab onto the hand of courage with our fists clenched we have to be willing to let go of everything we have been clinging to stubbornly and tightly out of fear...

Close Your Eyes To See

I love experimenting with colours and lines and feeling things into being...Where my other pieces of artwork just flow from random scribbles I set out to draw a face in this one. So some technique was involved in layering the colours to deepen the eyes and after I completed it I was surprised to hear my inner critic say.  "Maybe my high school art teacher was wrong...maybe I do have some artistic talent." All these years a part of me believed that I was not talented in art in the traditional sense but creativity and artistic talent are two very different things...

Now I am an artist...and that's not something that I set out to do rather it is something I was born to be. I use to ponder the whole destiny thing and felt that concept slightly stepped on the toes of my free will. I do believe that we are born with a predisposition for deeply understanding certain aspects of divine knowledge and wisdom that lies deep within our own Soul's. In a way there are certain lessons that we have an energetic aptitude for creating and thus learning so we can inspire and connect with others in unconditional love. The secret is we have to close our eyes to see this purpose and beauty playing out deep within ourselves though...I'm not sure who said close your eyes to see but there is a lot of truth in that little quote...

I'm beginning to see that by applying my soul's deeper wisdom into my life it enables me to cut through the illusion of separation, freeing me from the constraints of my self created prison and pushing me forward  into experiencing the richness of the core of my Being.  Intellectually I know now that it is from this perspective that the magic in life can, will and does happen...so today as the emptiness of my paper asks to be filled...I celebrate the fact that the fullness of my heart has such a deep desire to express my love so passionately and freely into the world...if we were all to express our love so freely the whole world would lighten up and I have no doubt that we would inevitably stumble into our Joy!

Spiritual Backbone...

Most of my artwork forms on my paper effortlessly, but other images like the one above seem to haunt me. Repetitively showing up in my inner vision, begging for my attention. I know that when this happens it's important to pay attention to my inner dialogue and musings. As I am being given profound answers to my Soul questions that I have held onto sometimes for many years if not lifetimes...These Spiritual images I see in my spiritual imagination are so profound and they seem to weigh more leaving a deeper emotional imprint on me then the visual stimuli coming at me from my external world.
I use to worry that I was crazy and now that I have accepted myself...I've realized that there is nothing wrong with my visions or thinking I am just a peaceful and powerful Creative Being! I also have taken the pressure off of myself because I know now that Source waits patiently for me to express the essence of  my "in-sight" and to contemplate deeply on the message that Spirit is bringing to my attention. I am the one that becomes impatient with my illusory inability to express the essence of who I am...
A while back I journeyed with the Spiritual Personality typing system, and had the opportunity to meet up with 12 aspects within my own personality that lead me to discover deeper and higher spiritual truths.
                                                
With each SP blog entry I had the opportunity to tune into my own Intuitive Voice which is a silent voice that seems to originate between the space between my thoughts and I feel the energy of this voice in my heart as being the truth for me in any moment. It is sometimes so hard to hear though...I have no one to blame for this as I'm the one being too busy whining, crying and often temper tantrumming I forget to breathe properly and let go of my thoughts in order to discern the voice of my soul...There is a beauty to my inner life that is so vibrant and powerful and I believe this is the space where I can tap into the raw energy of my creativity that feeds and fuels everything in my life. We all are apart of this powerful energy and I now understand this to be the backbone to my Soul...I still resist at times God/Source's unconditional love but I find humour now in my ego's moments of self righteousness and unwillingness to surrender and get out of the way...Trusting in the process of life and allowing things to unfold is so hard for me to do...and yet somehow I keep doing just that, through attracting the most amazing people, and things like Spiritual Personality into my life that inspires me to dig deeply into my own heart, mind and soul and to trust what is there...

Secrets of the Heart

Sometimes I’m eager to sit at my computer and face the blank page…other days not so much and I can find a million excuses to keep me from tuning into my Intuitive Voice. My soul loves to play in the vast space of nothingness where all things are created and I have many pages to write, in an attempt to clearly define who I am choosing to be. In order to do this though I have to take a deep breath and delve into some obscure spaces of my heart. Seeking my own truth on what I really believe. As I explore my inner reality I’m uncovering my secrets and I realize that I have been holding onto these silently in my heart. I believe we all have secrets in the form of hopes, dreams and wishes that were never realized. I don’t know a lot of adults who freely risk being vulnerable by sharing the secret desires of their heart openly.   Children do though and at one time the innocent Divine Child within ourselves whispered freely our hearts desire into the ear of God. I believe God has been holding onto the perfection of that desire ever since. As we align with our purpose in life I feel the Universe is calling us to remember the deeper mystery of what we whispered.
This remembering business is often easier said than done though and it’s easy to find distractions in everyday life. I’m often knocked of my alignment; and I have a hard time finding my car keys let alone the Truth of what I really believe! Some days I am so in touch with “Reality” that those things like wonder, joy, hopes, dreams, and the secrets of my heart belong in story books and in the lyrics of Taylor Swift’s music. Between taking care of the kids, house, marriage, running a business, working and cleaning up dog barf who has time for their soul? More and more lately I can catch the harsh tones of my ego trying to convince myself that this spiritual stuff is just an idealistic fairy tale. I really do get frustrated, but then a moment happens, a fully present moment that I am so grateful for. I slip not away into the land of daydreams. No, I fall into me, my Self right into the centre of my Being. Through taking a moment to focus on my breath and tune into how I am feeling. I somehow tap into this incredible peace that is almost palpable. It feels like an angel is present and their energy fills the room. Briefly I’m immune and no longer attached to the negativity that I was just aimlessly swirling around in. My breathing and footsteps feel more purposeful, my heart peaceful and my mind clear enough to really connect to Source. I then hear the Truth with a capital T and can see the world through the eyes of my Soul. I’m slowly learning that I can’t stay in that heart space of anger and frustration for very long. I am starting to trust my Soul more to lead, nurture and support me on this human journey and the language that Soul uses to communicate to me is the language of my feelings…who knew one could grow so deeply by being firmly grounded to the earth while touching eternity.

Lucky Charms...

I bumped into a quirky little part of myself this past weekend…the part of me that wishes with all my might. The kid in me that dreams of a better world, and dances to her own drum that beats to the rhythm of living, loving and laughing. I got a pretty good glimpse of this part of me as I was struggling. No, I was actually engaged in full blown battle of past and future fears and resistance to the present moment. All of this multi-dimensional battling was compounded by a mind that is currently quite lost in the process of healing from years of addictions.  The old addicted me is not willing to go out without a fight…and fighting it sure is!  They say our cardinal traits are also our pivotal downfalls. My cardinal strength is my innate desire for the Truth.  Well this truth of who I am is often based on how I am feeling and sometimes I’m just not feeling all airy fairy okay and “spiritual.”

As I wrote last week I’m experiencing some darkness and I’m struggling to surrender and get back to my centre of Beingness…This past weekend in my moments of difficulty I found myself experiencing intense cravings for a cigarette…Since July 11, 2010 I’ve let go of and completely walked away from this addiction and yet it haunts me everyday!  I use to smoke screen my feelings and spent my days wasting a large portion of brain space with thoughts on when I would have the next cigarette…For many years I conditioned myself to think about the future and well with hind sight that was pretty dumb as the craving was never satiated and I missed out on a heck of a lot of “Now” time.  

In the past I had quit smoking for both of my babies, and now this is the first time I have really quit for myself.  I know that I am done smoking for life…I’m just not sure if I really like this non-smoker more emotional me.  It’s sad but very true that I kind of liked not having to deal with things as I could just go outside turn the other cheek to the drama playing out in the house or at work.  I also used the need for a cigarette as the excuse for my negative feelings as my body was going into withdrawal…hmmm it’s been ten months I don’t think my negative feelings are from physical withdrawal anymore. Now it’s all in my head and I can no longer bypass the whole feeling thing like I used to and well quite frankly this is what sucks about being human.  

Ironically this is also what is the most beautiful thing about being human as I have rediscovered that life is actually amazingly vibrant! It’s a little too vibrant at the moment though and everything appears to be saturated with energy that fluctuates between two extremes…The contrast is too bold and my perspective is not perfectly symmetrical and balanced like I use to think it was.  There is nothing scary really just some black murky shadows that I’ve managed to get stuck in. I’m starting to appreciate this darkness as it is challenging and guiding me to really pay attention to the subtlest forms of energy that are at play in my life. I am proud of myself for continuing to stay conscious enough in my behaviour to not start smoking again. But I’m not too proud of myself as now I’m starting to engage in emotional eating! I guess the pissed off addicted me is trying to negotiate and trade in one addiction for the other…hmmm when will I learn that the cravings are NEVER going to be satisfied?!

I can wish though can’t I…as I dug my fingers into the box of Lucky Charms cereal a couple of days ago and dug past the judgment of myself for being a terrible mother in feeding this crap to my kids.  The little girl in me rose to the surface and I thought wow the hour glass charms must be working! (The hour glass charms have the power to control time.) For there she was little me the very quiet chubby cute kid that would eat her cereal in the morning while humming the song the Rainbow Connection. The blonde haired tomboy one minute and the girlie girl the next, the sweet kid that loved Kermit the frog with all her heart, and would revisit scenes from the Muppet Movie over and over in her mind when she longed for lightness and laughter to fill her world. There she was the part of me that instinctually could navigate her way to peace…the sacred part of me that was born deeply knowing the power of imagination.  That impeccably audacious little girl that could not be persuaded when she knew the “truth” about something, these traits have served me well in letting go of my addictions and everything that is no longer true for me. 

As I sat at my kitchen table sorting  through all my Lucky Charms and lining them up in pretty patterns (some things never change.) I caught a glimpse ever so briefly of the old soul in that very young body and how just by being her precious self she created a better world for those she touched.  Now through the use of this old soul's vibrantly rich imagination that when filtered through the wisdom of my grown up heart I can still feel that little girl within me.  I love her now in this moment as it never occurs to her to doubt that within her heart she has the power to bring things to life!  Hmmm, wow that’s actually what the box says too and I can’t argue with General Mills! The heart charms have the power to bring things to life. As I thought about those words I was reading on the box I collided with the little me and knew instantly that, that ordinary morning in 1979 was having an extraordinary effect on my present moment.  As an angel from my past came to sit with me lighting up the darkness for a few very sweet magically delicious moments…

Go ahead grab some Lucky Charms and join the two million other people who have visited the past and viewed Kermit on Youtube!  You know you want to ;)

Darkness Speaks

Every day we come face to face with powerful Spiritual Beings masquerading as humans. They come into our life and offer us an opportunity to embrace everything we passionately love and all that we have passionately rejected in our selves…These Souls lead us into the core of our very own joy and wounds.  We love them when we are in our joy and protest mightily and label them as the enemy when we can’t move beyond our suffering.  When the darkness comes I find it is extremely difficult to enter fully into the dark still silence of the night…I've recently uncovered my own old wounds and was surprised to see that they are still bleeding, I thought I just had scars left from the typical human journey. No, I have life giving energy leaking out of my wounds...it's not something that I am really proud to admit but I don't believe that I am the only one. 

Darkness speaks to our hearts as much as the light does and it has so much to teach us…the messages I am hearing this time around as I face my own “dark night” is to be still and stop resisting.  Quite humbling the darkness is as it encourages me to give more attention and respect to the messages that come to me from the night…The wacky and senseless dreams that I tend ignore and often wake up feeling very resentful and annoyed with. I know I should stop fighting the messages the Universe keeps bringing to my attention and yet…my resistance as futile as it is has it’s own sweet and seductive power over me. I can feel my third eye rolling as I write this but that is my truth in this moment…

Quieting my busy mind and surrendering into the space of nothing moves me beyond my frame of reference and I can usually tap into peace pretty quickly...Instead for the last week I have been grappling with the darkness that stretches and pulls my reality like a piece of silly putty. The past is where this dark cloud has come casting shadows on my life as I allow the impression of the memories to move me. I'm starting to hear the voice of my soul encouraging me to let it go.  My soul is nudging me to feel a humble sense of surrender into the nothingness...I can feel my frustration building as I know this is exactly what I have to do in order to reach the centre of my Being and yet I can't honestly get there...maybe I'm trying to hard and to carry too much with me I should probably take my own advice and move out of my own way and just let it all go!