Publishing Beyond The Skin has been in the back of my mind for quite a few years. But some things that I envision and write about oddly enough I don't fully appreciate nor value. At times my work strikes me as profound and rings of my truth in one breath only to become obscured lost somehow in the daily grind of living. For nine years my poignant story of transcending the devastation of having an incurable disfiguring disease has sat on my hard drive and in the back of my mind. I'm ready to share my vision and story with others, as I know all too well that the devastating effects of this disease are much more then skin deep.
Thanks to a study drug, a miraculous little molecule that helps my body regulate the cells of my immune system, I had been psoriasis free with 100% disease control for the last three years. I've been off the study drug for 2 months and just recently it has started to creep back ever so slightly making it's appearance in the form of a small dot on each of my elbows and ankles...I've enjoyed the reprieve but I guess I'm not done with the Psoriasis journey and this time I don't want to walk it alone...suffering in silence. For a complete understanding of psoriasis check out the National Psoriasis Foundation
To all those that suffer from Psoriasis,
we can not hide our skin or the shame that holds it's hand.
It has taken me fifteen years to begin to understand.
I believe everyone carries with them the marks of this disease.
Deep down inside we are all the same.
I hope we can agree with some ease.
Although most people don't wear their flaws for everyone to see.
How I wish every person we encounter,
could see the brilliant diamond in the rough.
This would slightly ease our embarrassment.
since our skin tends to slough.
I'm not offering you a cure for the symptoms of Psoriasis.
But if I could, I would take away people's ignorance.
Since I tend to be an idealist,
we wouldn't have to hurt anymore!
Fortunately I have found a key that has opened up a door,
to my freedom that was once constrained by locks.
Now I'm in this place of acceptance I see a paradox.
I will guide you through my journey over the last fifteen years.
A journey filled with many joys, tears and humiliation.
I give you know a set of ten keys,
to hold in your imagination.
we can not hide our skin or the shame that holds it's hand.
It has taken me fifteen years to begin to understand.
I believe everyone carries with them the marks of this disease.
Deep down inside we are all the same.
I hope we can agree with some ease.
Although most people don't wear their flaws for everyone to see.
How I wish every person we encounter,
could see the brilliant diamond in the rough.
This would slightly ease our embarrassment.
since our skin tends to slough.
I'm not offering you a cure for the symptoms of Psoriasis.
But if I could, I would take away people's ignorance.
Since I tend to be an idealist,
we wouldn't have to hurt anymore!
Fortunately I have found a key that has opened up a door,
to my freedom that was once constrained by locks.
Now I'm in this place of acceptance I see a paradox.
I will guide you through my journey over the last fifteen years.
A journey filled with many joys, tears and humiliation.
I give you know a set of ten keys,
to hold in your imagination.
The first key you will notice is marked with shame.
For once I understood this disease I had no one to blame.
I was a marked and blemished sixteen year old,
incapable of seeing past my skin.
It was an unacceptable part of who I was,
and all I saw in my mirror's reflection.
The constant reminders of beauty's perfection and grace.
Flew through the media daily and smacked me right in the face.
My body I desperately tried to cover up along with my disgrace.
I was offered little hope and was told to bear with it and endure.
Oh sorry, did that hurt you hearing that?
We are just giving you the facts there is no cure.
Something must be really wrong, bad, corrupted inside of me.
The key that led me into the world of shame held its grip on me.
The eyes of shame show you only what you are capable to see.
For once I understood this disease I had no one to blame.
I was a marked and blemished sixteen year old,
incapable of seeing past my skin.
It was an unacceptable part of who I was,
and all I saw in my mirror's reflection.
The constant reminders of beauty's perfection and grace.
Flew through the media daily and smacked me right in the face.
My body I desperately tried to cover up along with my disgrace.
I was offered little hope and was told to bear with it and endure.
Oh sorry, did that hurt you hearing that?
We are just giving you the facts there is no cure.
Something must be really wrong, bad, corrupted inside of me.
The key that led me into the world of shame held its grip on me.
The eyes of shame show you only what you are capable to see.
The second key I found opened up the world of fear.
This is where I cried most nights,
for what I was forced to hear.
Overwhelmed with intense emotions no teen should bare.
My rather small spots would very likely grow to cover all of me.
The appearance of healthy skin would be rare on my body.
Throughout all my daily interactions,
a wonderful front hid well my anxiety.
Deep down inside I was saying,
"please stop treating me like an outcast to society!"
I cried would anyone ever see past my skin?
Is this just a cruel world I'm destined to live in?
I saw the trail of scales that fell when I left the room.
I will clean it up for you just hand me the broom.
I'm so sorry, I can't help this, please don't look at me!
The fear controlled the clothes I wore each day.
The way I held my head was the inner image I portrayed.
The flakes on my scalp held my head down with their weight.
How I trembled deep inside in a tumultuous state.
The key that led me into the world of fear held its grip on me.
The eyes of fear show you only what you are capable to see.
This is where I cried most nights,
for what I was forced to hear.
Overwhelmed with intense emotions no teen should bare.
My rather small spots would very likely grow to cover all of me.
The appearance of healthy skin would be rare on my body.
Throughout all my daily interactions,
a wonderful front hid well my anxiety.
Deep down inside I was saying,
"please stop treating me like an outcast to society!"
I cried would anyone ever see past my skin?
Is this just a cruel world I'm destined to live in?
I saw the trail of scales that fell when I left the room.
I will clean it up for you just hand me the broom.
I'm so sorry, I can't help this, please don't look at me!
The fear controlled the clothes I wore each day.
The way I held my head was the inner image I portrayed.
The flakes on my scalp held my head down with their weight.
How I trembled deep inside in a tumultuous state.
The key that led me into the world of fear held its grip on me.
The eyes of fear show you only what you are capable to see.
I found another key under my pillow marked with despair.
Why me? Why me? Why me? This isn't fair!
These thoughts began to echo with every step I took.
Why have I been made to wear my flaws like an open book?
How I no longer wanted to be me,
to have this body with a mind different then my own.
Somehow having skin cells that wouldn't slow down.
Had turned a young loving, hopeful heart.
Into an old heart of stone.
I never let anyone in to rescue me from my grieving place.
My self-pity is where some of my feelings were based.
It soon led me to a short time of deep seeded self-hate.
The key that led me into the world of despair held its grip on me.
The eyes of despair show you only what you are capable to see.
Why me? Why me? Why me? This isn't fair!
These thoughts began to echo with every step I took.
Why have I been made to wear my flaws like an open book?
How I no longer wanted to be me,
to have this body with a mind different then my own.
Somehow having skin cells that wouldn't slow down.
Had turned a young loving, hopeful heart.
Into an old heart of stone.
I never let anyone in to rescue me from my grieving place.
My self-pity is where some of my feelings were based.
It soon led me to a short time of deep seeded self-hate.
The key that led me into the world of despair held its grip on me.
The eyes of despair show you only what you are capable to see.
Another key I happened to find unlocked the door to rage.
Where this anger came from it was unwritten on my page.
It served its purpose well although some might disagree.
After all that intense emotion was extremely foreign to me.
More so then the medical treatments I was withstanding at the time.
My doctor said maybe we should try a little Cyclosporine.
Scared the living daylights out of me how life was thrown my way.
Without the skills to live I could not cast my obstacles away.
Out of my rage I accomplished some unconstructive tasks.
I then joined the rest of the world and began using feeling masks.
Life itself had become a very anguished misery.
The key that led me into the world of rage held its grip on me.
The eyes of rage show you only what you are capable to see.
Where this anger came from it was unwritten on my page.
It served its purpose well although some might disagree.
After all that intense emotion was extremely foreign to me.
More so then the medical treatments I was withstanding at the time.
My doctor said maybe we should try a little Cyclosporine.
Scared the living daylights out of me how life was thrown my way.
Without the skills to live I could not cast my obstacles away.
Out of my rage I accomplished some unconstructive tasks.
I then joined the rest of the world and began using feeling masks.
Life itself had become a very anguished misery.
The key that led me into the world of rage held its grip on me.
The eyes of rage show you only what you are capable to see.
The key to love miraculously found my heart of stone.
Although this key use to get stuck in the lock,
I guess sometimes I chose to be alone.
Then love tied up my tongue so I could not speak,
for so much fear of scaring it away.
But other's empathy and compassion welled up inside
and found a place to stay.
Some people really cared and they could not see psoriasis.
They were blinded to my scales, flaking and redness.
All my unattractive flaws I wore on my sleeve.
Through the love of others they helped me to grieve.
The world of love is vulnerable and runs parallel to the world of hate.
An open channel flows through these worlds and is guided by passion's fate.
Love is a wonderful place to be!
The key that led me into the world of love held its grip on me.
The eyes of love show you only what you are capable to see.
Although this key use to get stuck in the lock,
I guess sometimes I chose to be alone.
Then love tied up my tongue so I could not speak,
for so much fear of scaring it away.
But other's empathy and compassion welled up inside
and found a place to stay.
Some people really cared and they could not see psoriasis.
They were blinded to my scales, flaking and redness.
All my unattractive flaws I wore on my sleeve.
Through the love of others they helped me to grieve.
The world of love is vulnerable and runs parallel to the world of hate.
An open channel flows through these worlds and is guided by passion's fate.
Love is a wonderful place to be!
The key that led me into the world of love held its grip on me.
The eyes of love show you only what you are capable to see.
Out of the world of love I did fall.
To find a key that cured it all.
I found my long lost voice to yell.
I told everyone who didn't understand to go to hell!
This is my body that I have been given
and now is the time for me to start living.
I was determined to not hide or cower
from another's judgment and their glance.
Passion held me steadfast in my stance.
Go right ahead and snicker at me,
and twist your face in disgust.
Yeah that's right you son of a bitch,
teach your kids to be prejudiced.
I had found myself trapped in this life of turmoil.
For quite awhile, I walked over this soil.
A trail of my scales I had left behind,
as the chains of the disease were beginning to unbind.
I hated my doctor for not having a cure.
I hated my parents for giving me imperfect genes to endure.
Slowly I began to realize,
to live my life fuelled by hate.
No! That was not my fate.
I found my keys and with trembling hands,
and unsteady steps I chose to leave those barren lands.
A good friend came along and said, "Here take my hand."
I received compassion this helped me to understand.
The world of hate is a state of mind that I somehow learned to leave behind.
I decided I had better lock this door forever;
for the chains of my disease were begin to sever.
I wanted to wear those chains again for they offered me security.
On the other hand I wanted to be bound to a different reality.
The key that led me into the world of hate withheld its grip on me.
The eyes of hate show you things that you do not want to see.
To find a key that cured it all.
I found my long lost voice to yell.
I told everyone who didn't understand to go to hell!
This is my body that I have been given
and now is the time for me to start living.
I was determined to not hide or cower
from another's judgment and their glance.
Passion held me steadfast in my stance.
Go right ahead and snicker at me,
and twist your face in disgust.
Yeah that's right you son of a bitch,
teach your kids to be prejudiced.
I had found myself trapped in this life of turmoil.
For quite awhile, I walked over this soil.
A trail of my scales I had left behind,
as the chains of the disease were beginning to unbind.
I hated my doctor for not having a cure.
I hated my parents for giving me imperfect genes to endure.
Slowly I began to realize,
to live my life fuelled by hate.
No! That was not my fate.
I found my keys and with trembling hands,
and unsteady steps I chose to leave those barren lands.
A good friend came along and said, "Here take my hand."
I received compassion this helped me to understand.
The world of hate is a state of mind that I somehow learned to leave behind.
I decided I had better lock this door forever;
for the chains of my disease were begin to sever.
I wanted to wear those chains again for they offered me security.
On the other hand I wanted to be bound to a different reality.
The key that led me into the world of hate withheld its grip on me.
The eyes of hate show you things that you do not want to see.
The key to hope showed up on my ring one day,
and with a change in my heart, I stood tall.
I was then determined to cure this disease,
to solve this mystery once and for all.
Ten years into this journey I had ventured,
I still didn’t know why SkinCapÔ was censored.
For treatments I was just writing the cheques,
with no miraculous and only mediocre effects.
Why were my cells so stubborn in their rejuvenating game?
How I wish I could of pointed my finger to blame.
I hesitantly gave up on the medicine of the west.
After much debating in my head I had to give it a rest.
I was determined to take things into my own hands, naturally.
The key that led me into the world of hope held its grip on me.
The eyes of hope show you only what you are capable to see.
and with a change in my heart, I stood tall.
I was then determined to cure this disease,
to solve this mystery once and for all.
Ten years into this journey I had ventured,
I still didn’t know why SkinCapÔ was censored.
For treatments I was just writing the cheques,
with no miraculous and only mediocre effects.
Why were my cells so stubborn in their rejuvenating game?
How I wish I could of pointed my finger to blame.
I hesitantly gave up on the medicine of the west.
After much debating in my head I had to give it a rest.
I was determined to take things into my own hands, naturally.
The key that led me into the world of hope held its grip on me.
The eyes of hope show you only what you are capable to see.
The key of knowledge I soon found as I began my quest,
to seek out the Truth to this mysterious disease.
Oh why on earth did I ever drop biology?
There was no room for despair on this intellectual crusade.
With conviction that fuelled a passionate heart.
I flew out into cyber space,
the place where dreams were made.
With each place I visited I was filled with hope,
given a lifeline in the form of a cyber rope.
Now it's not easy what I'm about to say,
for I have to set aside my pride.
Full of hope I had found many different therapies.
Now this therapy may have been intended for chimpanzees.
I learned one day about bananas and their healing properties.
So I took them off the counter ate a bunch and saved the peels.
I then stuck them on my elbows, hands, knees and heels.
I wrapped myself in Saran Wrap to hold the precious peels tight.
I very carefully put on my P.J.'s and called it a night.
As I held my arms and legs real straight, I walked robotic fashion.
The giggles in me would not stop I just looked so darn smashin'.
Oh what I won't do to try to heal this calamity,
and through my laughter I had found a lot of humility.
Deception was starting to take on a different face.
I stayed their two years in a state of well, Grace.
This is just a word of warning that all should abide.
When you want something to be true your beliefs can misguide.
The key that led me into the world of knowledge held its grip on me.
The eyes of knowledge show you only what you are capable to see.
to seek out the Truth to this mysterious disease.
Oh why on earth did I ever drop biology?
There was no room for despair on this intellectual crusade.
With conviction that fuelled a passionate heart.
I flew out into cyber space,
the place where dreams were made.
With each place I visited I was filled with hope,
given a lifeline in the form of a cyber rope.
Now it's not easy what I'm about to say,
for I have to set aside my pride.
Full of hope I had found many different therapies.
Now this therapy may have been intended for chimpanzees.
I learned one day about bananas and their healing properties.
So I took them off the counter ate a bunch and saved the peels.
I then stuck them on my elbows, hands, knees and heels.
I wrapped myself in Saran Wrap to hold the precious peels tight.
I very carefully put on my P.J.'s and called it a night.
As I held my arms and legs real straight, I walked robotic fashion.
The giggles in me would not stop I just looked so darn smashin'.
Oh what I won't do to try to heal this calamity,
and through my laughter I had found a lot of humility.
Deception was starting to take on a different face.
I stayed their two years in a state of well, Grace.
This is just a word of warning that all should abide.
When you want something to be true your beliefs can misguide.
The key that led me into the world of knowledge held its grip on me.
The eyes of knowledge show you only what you are capable to see.
The key to humour was found in my hand the next day.
What a relief for this world I had found and I wanted to stay.
This place seemed so familiar it had a nostalgic air.
This is where my inner wounds began to lift along with my despair.
My life started to seem a little fair.
I'm sure some may disagree,
however I was starting to see a little irony.
How I was so much more than my flaking body.
Hmm, I may have some holes in my leaking gut,
or maybe some kind of immune system defiance-y.
Somehow I had learned to dance,
within all of life's mystery!
There is more to me then these skin cells,
with a mind of their own.
"There's more to life then meets the eye," this saying really hit home.
The key that led me into the world of humour held its grip on me.
The eyes of humour show you only what you are capable to see.
What a relief for this world I had found and I wanted to stay.
This place seemed so familiar it had a nostalgic air.
This is where my inner wounds began to lift along with my despair.
My life started to seem a little fair.
I'm sure some may disagree,
however I was starting to see a little irony.
How I was so much more than my flaking body.
Hmm, I may have some holes in my leaking gut,
or maybe some kind of immune system defiance-y.
Somehow I had learned to dance,
within all of life's mystery!
There is more to me then these skin cells,
with a mind of their own.
"There's more to life then meets the eye," this saying really hit home.
The key that led me into the world of humour held its grip on me.
The eyes of humour show you only what you are capable to see.
The ten keys on your ring I gave you at the beginning.
Picture them once again for soon you may be grinning.
One day I looked down and saw a key unused on my ring.
The mystery of this unused key was causing me uncertainty.
Faith was marked on this door, the world of infinite possibility.
Now I know for sure it is our perception that creates our reality.
Once inside this world of faith,
you may find nothing unchanged in your view.
or your eyes may be receptive to all the mysteries askew.
The mundane may merge into the miraculous,
the fair things may transform into the great.
Picture them once again for soon you may be grinning.
One day I looked down and saw a key unused on my ring.
The mystery of this unused key was causing me uncertainty.
Faith was marked on this door, the world of infinite possibility.
Now I know for sure it is our perception that creates our reality.
Once inside this world of faith,
you may find nothing unchanged in your view.
or your eyes may be receptive to all the mysteries askew.
The mundane may merge into the miraculous,
the fair things may transform into the great.
Self acceptance then becomes your fate.
The means that brought you into this world,
that you may have been desperately trying to find.
Have brought you to the very place,
that may oppress and forms the chains that bind.
However, YOU are so much more then the skin you leave behind!
Inside this world I hope you will see, feel and come to know this truth,
look around cause you just might see.
All that gives your life endless Joys.
If you examine those keys in your mind you'll see they’re just little decoys.
The keys you are holding in your mind right now,
the keys you hold on your chain to life.
The keys that unlock your misery and strife,
are the keys to humanity.
Look really close at your keys.
They are all identical you see.
Your eyes of faith always show you what you are capable to be.
CopyrightÓ 2002 Maggie McLeod
The means that brought you into this world,
that you may have been desperately trying to find.
Have brought you to the very place,
that may oppress and forms the chains that bind.
However, YOU are so much more then the skin you leave behind!
Inside this world I hope you will see, feel and come to know this truth,
look around cause you just might see.
All that gives your life endless Joys.
If you examine those keys in your mind you'll see they’re just little decoys.
The keys you are holding in your mind right now,
the keys you hold on your chain to life.
The keys that unlock your misery and strife,
are the keys to humanity.
Look really close at your keys.
They are all identical you see.
Your eyes of faith always show you what you are capable to be.
CopyrightÓ 2002 Maggie McLeod
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