One Tear Towards Freedom

Some days I look around my world and see the lifeless and plastic faces of people. I have difficulty shaking our interactions and the impressions they leave in the imagination of my soul.  Among those mannequin faces the ones that disturb me the most are those who are in powerful positions…They strike me as arrogant and self righteous, playing on others weaknesses and vulnerabilities in order to build themselves up.  But the insecurities within their own heart are so apparent how can I not respond with compassion and deep understanding to their defences? As I become more aware of who I am, on the spiritual level. The opportunities to integrate my truth seems to come at me furiously fast…I’ve found staying open to the overall tone of the patterns I keep repeating opens the portal for me to peek into the divine plan being played out. It’s at that very moment that I catch a glimpse of the plan my very awareness of it speeds up the process of awakening even more. I can then understand better my own confusion and sadness. Suffering as unpleasant as that state of being feels I see it for what it really is, opportunities that motivate me to regain my balance and experience a deeper clarity that brings more meaning and purpose into my life…

This is the alchemy of my soul…I guess…As I mentioned in the last entry, lately I have found myself in some pretty stressful situations. Thoughout it all though my awareness is growing stronger in that I’m developing a deeper appreciation for who I am. Who we all are...When I look at the world with the eyes of my soul I experience my eternalness.  Memories of the lives witnessed through the eyes of my soul ushers into my consciousness, bringing light into the deep and stagnant darkness that obscures my vision and muffles my intuitive whispers.  I have choices in how I will respond to situations, where before it never even occurred to me that I had a choice.  I felt forced into a role and way of being that measured up to other’s expectations of me. I was the one who wore the plastic face pretending to be a human mannequin. This old soul of mine speaks to me in ways I cannot ignore, at times through brief flashes of intense anger and rage, emotions that burn through the plasticity of the ego...I hear the divine sparks of our eternal flame echoing in the heart of humanity from all of our ancient pasts clearly telling us that we are very disconnected from Source…

I retreat deep into myself when I feel the power of my passion, I always have. I scare me...and instinctively since I was a child I have directed my outrage and anger towards God. I have lost track of how many times I have been brought to my knees from the weight of the world and prayed "Help me God damn it! I refuse to believe in these oppressive lies that the world keeps throwing at me!" I have never felt the need to filter or censor my thoughts and feelings while I express my truth to my deeply personal God. This intimacy and honesty I have in my relationship, fills me with Light, that translates into a deep gratitude and appreciation for who I am. I can then walk in my physical form with the knowing that I'm taking one step and riding on one more tear towards freedom.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
~Khalil Gibran~